Hi! I have both good news and bad news. Bad news, this post is not about the “perfect” influencers we want to be like and see all over social media. KEEP READING (please)... Good news, it’s actually all about YOU! This blog post title was ‘clickbait’ (sorry not sorry) to talk about something much more important...your self-confidence. The fact that you chose to read this post tells me that you (and I) lack something that these famous women have. And no, it’s not beauty, fashion, wealth, etc. It’s CONFIDENCE! As young women, confidence is one of the hardest things to feel and GENUINELY embrace. I know this all too well, and even though most of the time, I feel alone in this, I know it’s completely normal. But that doesn’t make it ok. As women, we are constantly nitpicking every little thing about ourselves, judging ourselves, comparing our looks, intelligence, love life, lifestyles to everyone else, especially famous people. As I said, I’m writing this, and you clicked it, so here were are: guilty. Stop comparing because there is absolutely no point. I am the first person to do this, and it is the worst thing you can do to yourself. Confidence comes from within, and to feel it, you have to believe it, FOR REAL! So, here are some tips that have helped me boost my confidence and can help you too!
1. Daily Affirmations
Find an empowering slogan that suits you. My best friend told me what phrase reminded her of me whenever I felt most confident. And she was absolutely right. When she told me the phrase, I automatically laughed and remembered times when I channeled my inner “bad b!tch” and felt like I was happiest with myself. I think that each person has a specific phrase or quote that applies seamlessly to them. It is something to live by and will help you be your best self and feel confident in your own skin because IT’S YOURS! It’s also important to keep this quote or phrase somewhat private; that way, it’s more personal to you and avoids being misused or judged.
Don’t focus on other people’s opinions about you. I know this is a tough one. Many people will act like they don’t care what anyone thinks, and a lot of that is just a front that people tend to put up. But, in a way, it’s better to have that mindset and fake it till you make it! The less time and energy you waste on worrying about others, the more time you have to invest in yourself to find something you are passionate about and boost your confidence. I find that being passionate about something and dedicating a lot of time to it leaves a lot less room for distractions and worrying about others. Once you become better at whatever your passion/hobby is, you gain a lot of self- confidence and see your potential. I think confidence has a lot to do with believing in yourself and overcoming your own expectations. Many times, YOU ARE YOUR BIGGEST CRITIC, and in the least offensive way, most people don’t care that much about how you look and don’t spend that much time analyzing your every move or judging you as much as you may think. The less you worry about other people’s opinions of yourself and focus on YOUR OWN OPINION OF YOURSELF (because that’s what matters most), the happier you will be in your own skin.
Curiosity will lead you to your passion. I have struggled with believing this, especially transitioning from high school, where I was always busy, to college, where I now had a lot more free time, and I didn’t know how to act. I recently watched a speech titled “Don’t Chase Your Passion And Maybe You’ll Find It” by Elizabeth Gilbert, the author of “Eat Pray Love.” This video is very beneficial for those of us who don’t know what our passion is and are struggling to find our “purpose” or “thing that we love to do.” As she explains in her speech, if I had one true passion, I would be the first to know about it. I felt that on another level. It’s the worst feeling when people tell you, “just try to find your passion,” um HELLOOO, I’ve been trying to for a while, but I just haven’t loved or obsessed over anything that intensely yet. So, if you are feeling like this, you are NOT alone. Here is a short clip of her entire speech from Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday. It’s worth the watch. Hope this helps!
4. Social Media Cleanse
Take a break from social media. Don’t get me wrong; I love social media. Instagram is my favorite because I love the variety of content I see while scrolling through my feed. It gears towards my interests, which makes it somewhat addicting. But, I also think Instagram is one of the most toxic forms of social media nowadays. With thousands of people sharing their lives through a platform, we have the quickest access to “be apart of” or “see” the lives of people like the Kardashians & Jenners, Justin Bieber, Cardi B, Bella & Gigi Hadid, James Charles, etc. We are brainwashed to think that these people live the most glamorous, lavish lives with no problems. Now again, of course, these influencers are blessed and live very comfortably with lots of money and fame, yatta yatta yatta. But they are still people. Instagram and the media always expects us to showcase the best versions of ourselves. Very few people are willing to post about their daily problems (including me), especially influencers whose incomes are based on their posts and "relatable content which is actually not so relatable when you think about it. In reality, we have 500+ followers, but not even 75% of them know about our actual day-to-day life. Whenever I’m feeling insecure, Instagram NEVER HELPS. I always compare myself, especially my body, to models and other people I know, which does nothing but destroy my self-confidence. And half the time, people edit their pictures to give a false image of themselves, which has become the norm. I always catch myself saying “I wish my body were like hers,” “Oh my god this girl is so much prettier than me,” “Look at her Instagram she takes the best pictures, I can never pose like that," "I want to delete all my pictures,” “I’m ugly,” “Look at _____’s life, it’s so good. I wish I lived like that,” “I love her style; I wish I could pull off stuff like that.” AND FOR WHAT? That mindset doesn’t change a single thing, but instead only makes me feel 100 times worse. So I definitely recommend doing a social media cleanse for a while if you think this way too. Sometimes you need to put the phone down and spend more quality time with friends and family. Doing things that bring you happiness will help you focus more on the positive rather than the negative. You will realize how much time you spend on your phone looking at other people’s lives and comparing it to your own, wishing you lived like them or looked like them. Cleanse! Cleanse! Cleanse! You’ll be happier in the end. (the rhyme was not intentional)
Surround yourself with positive people. This is definitely a GO-TO Tip. The people you surround yourself with affect your mood and perspective on everything. Whenever I feel sad, overwhelmed, or stressed, the last thing I want to do is be alone all day. Feeling lonely SUCKSSS! My best advice is to find people, or even one person, with whom you feel comfortable and can trust. GOOD VIBES ONLY! I’m serious; this makes such a difference. People feed off of one another’s energies, so the more positivity and love that you surround yourself with, the better. It’s so important to have friends who support you and encourage you to try new things, but also tell you when you are wrong and need to improve/work on yourself. Nobody is perfect. Having a welcoming atmosphere will help you build a lot of self-confidence and be more positive in your daily life. Be open to meeting new people and maintaining relationships with the ones you feel are the best fit.
Write. Down. Your. Goals. Often, I set goals for myself that I tend to forget about or get discouraged by because I think that they are too far fetched. But, when I write down my goals rather than only thinking about them, it helps me build my self-confidence and I have more faith in myself to accomplish them. This tactic is usually hard for me to follow through on, but I do my best. The easiest way for me to write down my goals is to set both short term and long term goals. Most of the time, I think a lot about the late future, and what I want my life to look like in 5 to 10 years. The problem with this is that it doesn’t help my confidence right now, and it limits me from living in the present. This mindset is something I have to work on, which is why writing down my short term goals, specifically for the week or month, helps me focus on what’s going on in my life right now. I gain more control over my life and have more confidence while doing so. This strategy helped me realize that I can do a lot more than I accredit myself for. If you’re experiencing the same problem, you should try writing out your short and long term goals and stop underestimating yourself.
Meditate to feel inner confidence. Even though I have a difficult time bringing myself to it, I love meditating. When I’m stressed or anxious, I never take the time to meditate, when really that’s one of the first things I should do to help myself. Meditation is a great way to clear the mind and let go of all the negativity. A lot of the time, people think that this concept is a lot of useless yogi b.s., but it’s incredibly peaceful. I love doing yoga and stretching, and I find these things to be beneficial when I’m not feeling my best. My favorite and the most important part of these activities is the breathing technique behind it, which is meditation. Obviously, I’m not a pro meditator, but I feel a sense of tranquility that I can’t explain when I am breathing in meditation. I begin to disconnect and focus on myself and my intentions, which is quite soothing. This is where the confidence booster comes in. Through meditation, I focus on my goals and remind myself that I have the power and ability to achieve them. Confidence is not just about physical beauty; it involves a lot of self-acceptance and understanding to grow into the person you want to be. Meditation helps ME focus on ME as it should help YOU to focus on YOU.
Stay active. Exercising is my favorite activity whenever I feel bad about anything. If I feel insecure, unhappy, frustrated, upset, or annoyed, the best way for me to let it out is by working out, or crying, or sometimes both. Fitness is extremely gratifying, freeing, and beneficial. After a good workout, I get so much satisfaction, and I feel this the most, when I let out all of my anger and negative energy during the exercises. I always feel so much better about myself and proud of what I achieved in about 45 minutes. It’s crazy that in less than an hour, I can be productive, relieve my stress, and change my mood. Fitness helps me focus only on myself and get rid of all the frustrations and worries I’m feeling in my daily life. I consider it as my “me time,” and it’s something that no one could ever take away from me. If fitness is not your thing, I still recommend doing some exercise to boost your self-confidence. If you don’t like high-intensity workouts, try pilates, or different types of yoga. Maybe even go for a walk. There’s a ton of options to choose from. Trust me, when you look better, you feel better, and that’s what matters!
9. Self Care
Prioritize self-care. Self-care is so important for everyone; men and women equally. It’s the best way to reinforce your self-worth and take care of your body and mental health. Everybody deserves and NEEDS a break, whcih brings balance in your life. Each person has different versions of self-care, so find out what works best for you, and make it a priority in your daily or weekly routine. I love, love, love, self-care, because it is the best way for me to relax and feel less anxious throughout the day. If you want to read more about specific self-care tips, check out my blog post Self-Care 101.
10. Believe in Yourself
Believe in yourself and follow through! I cannot stress this enough. Self-doubt destroys self-confidence. Of course, that’s not to say that you should build up your ego and never doubt yourself because you think you’re perfect. But at the same time, don’t question everything you do or want to do. Although we may think we are not good enough, WE ARE GOOD ENOUGH! I, for one, have a really hard time believing in myself. I am constantly doubting everything I set my mind to, and I’m always getting in my head. It’s a touchy subject for me because it makes me upset and frustrated to realize this about myself. But, the moment I start to believe in myself and push myself out of my comfort zone, my confidence skyrockets. In life, not everything is easy and we have to struggle and make sacrifices for what we want. But, if you believe in yourself and know your worth, the possibilities are endless. Set attainable goals for yourself. Getting things done and feeling a sense of accomplishment is a great confidence booster. As I said, we often set goals for ourselves that may be a lot harder or more complicated than we initially thought. It’s all too common (at least for me) to keep putting things off. STOP doing that. Make time for the things you want to achieve and follow through. It’s important to manage your time and give yourself the chance to surpass your own expectations. Again, YOU are your BIGGEST critic.